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DrunkPandaMan
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Name: David
Birthday: 8/24/1988
Gender: Male
Interests: gaming, doodling, laughing (if somethings funny), and.. yeah.. being lazy, and maybe some other things i cant remember...?
Expertise: uh.. nothing, im too lazy to be an expert of anything
Occupation: Retired
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  cHiNkLiShDrGnBoI
Member Since:
7/30/2003
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| Life's a game with a set of rules
Not something exactly learned from school
Ya got the cheaters, pleasers, around the bush beaters
The workaholics, dramaholics, and the please to meet yas
The rules are set, pretty evident
we all got our ways to circumvent
there are no paths to follow
no pills to swallow
shouldn't do nothing and hope for the best tomorrow
gotta mine and melt your own golden path
find the mammal, foil and grass but it wont last
just look at the hourglass, time's a commodity
look in yourself you'll find a bit of me
takes time to find a new discovery
and maybe with a bit of struggling
to find the light of the situation
where complainin only begets more straining and staining
and the time flies as youre trainin and masterbatin
masticatin sustenance, pumpin blood and oxygen
where the inconvenience lies in motivation
and yet we're still playin
it's mind flaying
no really, it is.
you wait til the last minute and what do you expect
but disappointment and lack of respect
rules are merely guidelines with nothing intact
instead of living a life of regret
embrace being an oxymoron and hypocrite
live it to the fullest and love thy neighbor
..... ran outta steam..
Haha.. suddenly this thought came into my head, "Life is one big distraction," and I thought how true that is to how I'm feeling at the moment. Moving from one distraction to another until you get to your purpose.. or THE purpose. I wondered how original that idea was or wondered if I heard to somewhere else before and so I googled it. Sure enough results popped up. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I do feel like it applies to where I'm at right now. I'm not happy where I'm at and I'm still wandering and wondering in my own head about what and where my actions are leading me. BAAH... tapping into the emo side of me again.
Where's life, friends, and happiness at?
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| I know it's pretty boring how I keep talking about myself. It took me a while to figure out how much I've really been whining. I swear, this'll be the last one. Yes, recognizing something is in important step, but I've gone through this step far too many times without moving past that.
I'm trying to improve on myself. But once that decision was made, I think I sorta abandoned everything else on my plate. I've become so introverted that my already lazy nature became even more lazy, not being productive in my spare time, doing homework at the last minute and work and school filling in the gaps, I don't leave myself time for anything else except for being a ball breaker. I've been smoking a lot more, more often by myself and I'm gonna just smoke socially. And I'm adamant about that. Ever heard of Basket Case by Greenday? Okay, that's not the original song by them, (the 8 bit sounds are hella sick) but the lyrics are there, and I can totally relate to that whenever I get lit, even when I'm smoking with friends. I've even been complaining about it lit. Plus I do I get super paranoid and try to think inside other people's head. It's even built up when I'm sober now, that I get so self conscious now that I hardly talk sometimes. I'm becoming distant and fake and I feel like a douchebag, really. I can't believe I'm a douchebag now.
Thing is, I've been making myself conscious of this maybe a couple weeks ago. What really scared me was free pancake day at IHOP. I was in and out of conversation, mostly thinking in my head, "What's wrong with me, why can't I share?!?!?!". I almost blamed this on ADD. I don't even know if I have ADD, or if I'm just lazy, but at that point I started giving up because I wanted to blame it all on it instead of doing anything. Whether I do or not, I'm not going to do this the easy way. My whole life has been on autopilot, and I need to do it the hard way now. This post is more of a reminder for me not to stray back here. I need some major changes, and the sooner I start on this, the better. Thing is, my time is tight, so I need to use it more effectively now. I had a hard time figuring out where to start. I keep thinking I need to change myself, but really I just need to change my habits. Mainly, time management. Probably make myself a better student in the process. Ill start focusing on homework, instead of using the laptop all the time (like right now). After that, other things will happen like a chain reaction and eventually I'll be able to start doing the things I've always been wanting to do.
I haven't been reliable to anybody lately (lack of communications, perparations). I don't want to change myself, just improve. But in order to improve, I need to change some of these bad habits I've grown way too accustomed to. (hopefully drastically different so I don't fall back into it. like shave my head. hmm..)
I dunno if everyone has been dropping hints or signs or if I'm just imagining them to be hints or signs, I'll be listening, applying, etc.
I'll write something up tomorrow. You'll know if I kept this promise to myself or not by then.
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| Hey, my bad Tim. Drinking was fun fosho. But I almost always nearly pass out at some point whenever I do drink, sometimes with a nose bleed in the bathroom, bobbing my head to guitar hero 3 music, my memory tends to be in the dark. In any case, seeing you again made the experience 5 times more interesting than it would have been.
In any case.. unexpectedly nice erefund check from financial aid and ambitious old ideas equals new possible upcoming tantalizing event.
If I told you what the event would be, you'd say I'm a big pot head. I wouldn't disagree.
I need to call FNC!
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| So yeah, excuse my pussybitch posts earlier.
Don't get me wrong, I still need improvements.
But not to clean off a new slate and start over. That's stupid.
I yearn to analyze and try to fix things. But I do it without knowledge. Time to change that.
Also, I gotta learn when to not be polite. Stay real.
Anyways, fun New York week. Fun times in Davis, though that might not have happened if it weren't for that THREESOME. That's right, a threesome. Jo Ann, Perriesha, and Zhi. These three helped me linger a little bit longer in Davis. And I thank them for that.
You know what was nice? Seeing Crystal again. You know what wasn't? Being unable to talk to her.
Let's talk sometime.
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| The idea of personal prespectives makes me think of relativity. I'm outside the moving train, while everyone else is in it. The instant the trains passed by, a light shoots straight down from the ceiling of the train, bounces off the floor straight up back to the same point. I, on the other hand, can see the light move diagonally downwards and then diagonally upwards, while everyone else sees the light go down, then up again. I argue with them with what I saw. They keep saying that they see it otherwise, and that I was just seeing things completely farce. They asked me to apologize. So I did. And I was crossfaded when I did. Cheh. | | |
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